Picking Up Spilled Beans

“Dear Aunt Edith,

My ex-best friend told everyone the girl i like! AND HE TOLD HER. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH *clears throat, deep breath* AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!

What do I do?”

-MyCrushKnows_HELP!

Dear MyCrushKnows_HELP!,

Oooh. That’s not good. I’d hate to be you right now. I MEAN! – I no exactly what to do. One second… Um… Okay… So.

YOU JUST MADE A HORRIBLE MISTAKE!!!!! Do not post online that everyone knows who your crush is, because you just admitted that the rumor is true.

If your classmates aren’t cool enough to visit the school’s blog, which is run by a bunch of sixth, seventh, and eighth graders and an elder who needs her grandson to write this down for her great-grandson to tell one of the sixth graders who posts it online, then you still have a chance!

DENY EVERYTHING

“Do you like-like Sally Joe?” “She’s nice, but I don’t feel that way towards her.”

DO NOT DO:

“Do you like-like Sally Joe?” “No. She’s gross – have you seen her teeth – they’re nasty!”

If anyone asks, politely say no.

KEEP YOUR FRIENDS CLOSE, BUT YOUR ENEMIES CLOSER

Tell your friends that if anyone asks, you DO NOT FEEL THAT WAY TOWARDS HER. Tell your ex-best friend that you DON’T FEEL THAT WAY TOWARDS HER. Say that you felt that way towards her in second grade, and that he should have been listening when you said IN SECOND GRADE.

Good Luck,

Aunt Edith

P.S. Is she cute?